Are you a people pleaser ? Try getting rid of the habit if you are one ;

Most of the decisions we make are influenced by society. When we are confronted with a circumstance, big or small, the question ‘What will people think?’ haunts us. What happens if we don’t stop ourselves from continuing this bad habit? It will lead to emotions of discontent and discomfort, which no one desires.

 

Salma Hindy, an award-winning Toronto-based engineer-turned-stand-up comedian, shared her experience with people-pleasing and the realisation that came later in a motivational TEDx Talk. She presented an example of how we try to please others, saying that most of us have agreed to do something we weren’t excited about or ready to undertake at some point in our lives. ‘People pleasing is a way to avoid disapproval or discomfort of others,’ she explained.

 

Codependency and people-pleasing are linked, she claims. ‘Excessive emotional and psychological reliance on loved ones is referred to as codependency.’ It can become an excuse to not live or accept responsibility for your life, even if it is unconscious. She claimed that most of us had been socialised from an early age. She explained how, against her parents’ wishes, she began stand-up comedy. ‘Because I didn’t get any emotional or spiritual validation from my parents, I started looking for it elsewhere.’

Hindy went on to say that seeking approval is a way of avoiding the responsibilities that come with making a decision. She emphasised that there are two characteristics to look out for when determining whether or not someone is a people pleaser. ‘For starters, when making a major life decision, do you consider others? Do you, on the other hand, use your personal relationships as hurdles, as justifications, to keep you from following your goals? If you answered yes, you are a people-pleaser.’

Hindy concluded, People-pleasing does not make either side happy in the long run. ‘Take back the autonomy of making your decisions, otherwise you end up resenting the people you want to please. Why live life out of fear, when you can live out of intent?’