It is true that only a mother can feel another mother’s plight and predicament unlike the society, which might shower pseudo sympathies on a distraught mother and judge her for all her actions. This story is about two such mothers who got connected with each other through a networking app and trod on some rough patches of motherhood together. This is the story of a mother who donated her breast milk to another mother in need who was not lactating enough to meet the nutritional requirements of her premature baby.
A year ago, 26-year-old Rupal Shah (name changed) gave birth to her daughter and was revelling in the joys of motherhood. After the initial moments of ecstasy started the real ordeal which every mother has to go through postpartum. The first milestone to achieve after birth was to get started with breastfeeding and Rupal reached this milestone without much hassle. Unlike, many mothers who struggle with lactation, latch-on issues, low milk supply, etc., for this mother-daughter duo it was a breeze. Her baby took to breastfeeding quite easily. But after the initial moments, Rupal faced some painful experiences. ‘I was lactating well and probably more than my daughter’s requirement. I felt engorged in between the feeds, and yes, it was a bit painful. I had to either feed or express my milk to avoid the problem and its consequences,’ she says.
Engorgement is a common problem for most lactating mothers and it needs some attention. If left unattended it could also lead to mastitis, blocked milk ducts, etc. ‘To avoid problems, I started to pump and store my breast milk. Since I had planned to get back to work once my maternity leave got over, I took this opportunity to build a stash as I was at home nursing my baby round-the-clock,’ says Rupal. By the time her baby turned five months old, there was a mismatch in the demand and supply mechanism of her breast milk. ‘I was still lactating enough, but my baby’s requirements lessened. I kept pumping to store milk and observed that she wasn’t asking for a feed every two hours like before. At night, she slept for four or five hours at a stretch and I got engorged during that time as I went without nursing for long hours. I woke up in the middle of the night to express milk every day,’ she recalls.
While Rupal was building up a steady supply for her daughter so her baby could be breastfed even when she got back to work, she knew she had excess supply.
One morning when Rupal was busy with her daughter, she received a breast milk donation request from an online networking app for young moms, www.babychakra.com, where she was already a member. In August 2016, BabyChakra had launched an online breast milk bank called MomLine, where lactating mothers with excess supply donate their breast milk for babies who are in need for it. The app also helps mothers in need to get in touch with donor mothers. MomLine is committed to helping to ensure the safety and interests of donating mothers, as well as addressing the ongoing shortage of high-quality donor milk for babies in need. Most lactating mothers have breast milk in excess, which when expressed and stored hygienically, can be given to babies who otherwise are given formula milk. The shortage can be experienced due to the biological mother’s lack of adequate breast milk supply or if she is facing other medical problems.
‘I was approached by BabyChakra who asked me if I could be a donor mother and help another mother in need, whose baby was born prematurely. This was a kind of request that I could not deny. I know that it is disheartening for a mother to see her hungry baby cry for food incessantly. I learnt that she had low milk supply and tried three brands of formula feed (which her baby didn’t take to) before she approached BabyChakra to get breast milk from their online bank,’ says Rupal.
While Rupal was facing a problem of over-lactation, Kaveri Jha (name changed) suffered from low milk supply. Kaveri gave birth to her son a month-and-a-half before her expected delivery date. Her baby was born prematurely and needed careful monitoring and nourishment to grow and develop further. Breastfeeding is the best thing that can happen to a premature baby, but Kaveri struggled with breast milk production and the baby also had latching issues. She tried formula and natural nursing to up her breast milk production, but it didn’t help much.
‘Formula feeding gave rise to digestion issues and the baby vomited each time he was fed formula. Her breast milk production was so low that it wasn’t sufficient for the baby. So I started to pump and give it to her. Since we lived in the same locality it was easier for me to hand over the bottles to her to feed her child,’ says Rupal.
It is unbelievable how nature can treat two mothers so differently. ‘When I met Kaveri I realised that our problems were so distinctly different, yet the same. While I faced severe engorgement, she was struggling with low milk supply. We came from two ends of a spectrum and wanted to breastfeed our child despite all the problems,’ says Rupal.
Rupal didn’t have to do much to help Kaveri. ‘As my daughter grew older I used to pump to relieve the engorgement and keep a supply ready for next day. Usually, I pumped from the side that got engorged at night. But after I met Kaveri I started pumping from both sides and gave her the extra bottles the next day. It just took some 30 minutes of my time to do this and was of immense help to Kaveri,’ says Rupal. She kept on doing this for over a month till the baby grew old enough to be able to latch properly and Kaveri’s milk supply was restored. ‘After about a month or forty days, Kaveri told me that her child started to suckle and she began to lactate well with help from lactation experts. Her baby even started to take formula feeds without many problems. She started managing by alternating between breast feeds and formula,’ she recalls.
With time, Rupal stopped pumping though she still breastfeeds her one-year-old on demand. ‘I keep meeting Kaveri and we do share our parenting experience. Our relationship blossomed into a beautiful friendship,’ she says.
They both have received a lot of flak from their near and dear ones after they heard about the donor-receiver arrangement. ‘Many people after hearing that I was about to donate breast milk reproached me. They questioned my intentions. Kaveri also had to face a bit of mommy-shaming as she was unable to breastfeed during the first month,’ recalls Rupal. This makes it clear that there is a taboo regarding breastfeeding. There aren’t too many breast milk banks in India. The few that are there are struggling to spread awareness and garner participation from mothers. Probably if we shun the judgmental attitude we have towards recipient and donor mothers, we can help many mothers actively donate breast milk and help millions of babies who are in need. Rupal and Kaveri’s story just tells us how we can make breastfeeding a possibility for every child with just little empathy, compassion and effort.
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