Sex is supposed to be an amazing part of life. But for some it becomes boring as it starts to feel more like a chore. You come home to your person, at about the same time everyday, in the same room, end up doing the same few foreplay tricks and climax in the same way as the day before.
Pallavi Barnwal, an intimacy coach and sex educator has shared some simple ways to get out of the situation.
The human brain is complex
Humans and their needs are complicated and exemplify contradiction every waking hour of the day. On the one hand, we yearn a sense of security, safety, closeness, and familiarity (this makes predictable sex a winner), while on the other hand, we seek thrill and adventure and often enjoy some amount of uncertainty and unpredictability. But at the end of the day, the mind often always prioritises and chooses the former.
We make the same choices for sex. While we hope for and pursue unpredictability, we also want to feel safe about it. We are conditioned in a manner that has made us believe that unpredictability is a want, but if you dig deep and get in touch with your feelings, you’ll soon realise that it is a need. It always has been.
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Fantasising and role play
The sex is predictable because the conversations between the couple become mundane over a period of time. This brings monotony in the relationship, which in turn affects the sex life.
At such a time, you can fantasize while having sex to experience the thrill. Think about a celebrity crush, your favourite actor, a sportsperson, etc. This is a safe way to introduce novelty into your sex life. If you and your partner are open about your sexual fantasies, you could indulge in role-play to spice things up.
Make time for sex
The sex is predictable because the people doing it have put it on their to-do list or sometimes they don’t get the time to have sex. But sex is a lot more than intercourse, and one needs to make time to do the things they like and want. Change the way your brain is conditioned and train it to not just spend time spooning or cuddling, but also anticipating the act with your partner.
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