A study published in The Journal of Sex Research has showed how different types of perfectionism affect the sexual dynamics between couples. According to the study, holding yourself to high personal standards, known as self-oriented perfectionism, can actually boost sexual desire for your partner. Individuals who strive for excellence in their personal lives also tend to maintain a strong romantic and intimate connection with their significant other.
Setting high expectations for oneself does not just drive professional and personal success, it can also fuel passion in a relationship. However, not all perfectionism is beneficial. When people feel pressured by external expectations—what psychologists call socially-prescribed perfectionism—it can have damaging effects on their intimate lives. This type of perfectionism was linked to lower sexual function and higher sexual distress, meaning that individuals who feel they must meet impossibly high standards imposed by others are more likely to struggle with anxiety, frustration or dissatisfaction in their sexual relationships.
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The study found that men who experienced high levels of socially-prescribed perfectionism had partners who reported higher levels of sexual distress. This suggested that the pressure to be perfect does not just create internal turmoil; it can disrupt emotional and physical intimacy within a relationship.
Perfectionists often seek love and acceptance but paradoxically end up feeling disconnected from their partners due to the fear of failure and self-doubt. Interestingly, the study found no significant connection between other-oriented perfectionism where one expects perfection from their partner and a partner’s sexual difficulties.
If you or your partner struggle with socially-prescribed perfectionism, acknowledging the pressures you feel from society or loved ones can be the first step in reducing stress and improving intimacy. Experts suggest that self-compassion, open dialogue and even therapy can help address these challenges.
The research focused on cohabiting couples, so the findings may not apply as directly to long-distance relationships or single individuals.Additionally, the different dimensions of perfectionism often overlap, making it difficult to isolate their individual effects in real-life situations.
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